I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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