Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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