found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
