Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
