He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
