Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
