My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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