What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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