you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
