Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
