even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
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