hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
