My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
How does it feel to date your dad?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
