I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
