I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm getting married
To pizza
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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