I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
