Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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