yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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