I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
