Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
