thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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