last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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