Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
