your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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