Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
