I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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