I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I can feel your judgement through the phone
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
