Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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