i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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