do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
