you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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