I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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