You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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