she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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