when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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