R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Randomize
