Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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