the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
