so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
