did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
