First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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