Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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