we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
