I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
