Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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