when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
