peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
