Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
