omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
