Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
