how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
