It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Found your dick twin last night
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i think i just lost a toe
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
