She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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